Just checking in!

Whats going on with my life I hear you ask?!

Well, not a lot to be honest. Literally. I'm just plodding along and dealing with what's going on in my life one day at a time. Though what's getting to me a lot recently are my struggles with mental health. As anyone who knows the struggles, big or small, depression/anxiety will come and go from time to time.

I've been really good, mentally, for a while now. I've not been majorly depressed or anxious for most of the time, but the past week and a bit I've been feeling very anxious for my future and my confidence seems to have fizzled out a bit. I have no idea what's causing this. I'm mostly thinking about how awkward I am and if people do indeed actually like me/enjoy talking to me, especially so now I've taken up cosplaying (the friends and people I've come to know through this hobby) and convention attending. And this is a bit concerning for me cause this is how I went down the depression and anxiety rabbit hole I was in a few years ago, and the thought of being in that place again makes me upset. It was such a shitty time in my life, but my life isn't really like that at all.

There are some coping strategies I could do to stop this; the first is to keep asking myself "why?".

The second is to take my mind off it and distract myself but I feel like this is just putting it off for it to fester some more. But the thing is, I'm not exactly financially stable to just throw myself into a new project to keep my mind off my doubts. I could just make more videos but, again, my life isn't that exciting and it's just hard to come up with ideas.

Oh yeah, I put up two videos on my YouTube channel! I did a vlog thing for the gig I went to in January (which I'm pretty happy with!) and then I did a cosplay talk/experience video (which gets super cringe at some parts, just a heads up) of the first year I've been cosplaying. Well I say cosplaying but I don't feel like compared to others it's that much for me to talk about.

Oh yeah, about comparing. I. KEEP. DOING. THIS.

The other day I was just chatting away to my mum about life and I mentioned how I look at my life compared to my twin sisters, all my sisters really, and I don't really have my shit together. She kinda told me off about that, by saying I shouldn't be doing that to myself because life isn't a competition. Maybe that's what's making me anxious?

Either way, I'm dealing with some mental shit and it'll probably go away. I need to stop comparing myself to others and thinking people don't like me. That last statement is a bit of a weird one.

I've seen with one of my friends, who I've come to known through conventions/cosplaying, and they have problems with two faced people on their social media. These problems are that their "friends/followers" pass on whatever they post on shitposting/trolling groups or to keep others who they haven't blocked or who dislike them, in the loop. Thankfully I don't have that kind of attention but at the same time I wonder why people still have me on their friends list if I don't talk to them much? To be nosey is probably the main reason.... I don't know! But the uncertainty makes me very anxious some times. Yes, I should remove those but some people post some really good stuff that makes my day.

Anyway I feel like I'm going on a lot.

TL;DR
I'm confused!

Book review! Making it Big by Lynsey Russel

Making it Big by Lyndsay Russell (2011) ⭐️⭐️⭐️

Okay so I started this book well over a year ago (February 2015). I only bought it because Amazon was selling it for £1 so why not. I've literally just finished it. I was prepared for something terrible, that will loose my interest very quickly.

I did loose interest right at the beginning. I hated how the main character, Sharron absolutely despised herself. She was only a size 18 in the book, a size I miss, and honestly the read was grating on me so much. I honestly hated reading it.

But then something weird happened. She went to see Dr Marvel (CAN HE BE REAL PLEASE?), once she left his practice, everything got very good. Albeit extremely predictable and fast, but very good. Maybe that's just how it feels when you become a supermodel in such a short amount of time. I was honestly happy for the character I had grown to hate, how she had become such a success, how she started to love herself. But then I started to hate some parts during her rise to fame.

Her friend Debbie. I honestly did not like her at all. In the beginning she was just a shit friend. Sharron knew it but somehow still put up with her literal shit personality. Then saying that she kind of becomes better.

Aside the shit friend, the way the author described how Sharron and others would describe skinny people, her friend, I honestly felt uncomfortable. Maybe it's because I don't think shaming people is a nice thing. Either way I didn't enjoy reading those parts. But it just goes to show how the media can change people's perspective SO easily.

I did honestly feel like the ending was rushed. And predictable. The actual ending was over in two chapters. I would have loved to see how she got successful again in more depth then just a memory her. Again it was VERY predictable.

The part just before the ending involving her dad and her step family really touched me. I hadn't been through the same emotional hurt with the "new" family, but with the decline of her fathers health was something I've personally experienced. The twist here. Oh the fucking twist here. I honestly loved how Sharron kind of got back at Carolyn, well I wasn't an intended thing but it was SO GOOD. I absolutely hated that old cunt, which she is if you read the book, seriously. I honestly wanted to see Sharron give her a slap but karma(?) definitely took its course on her.

What I loved: Honestly I would have loved to experience the characters new upside down world (That will be all down to how Lyndsay has described it). But here I am in reality, which is pretty much how the beginning of the book is, the skinnier you are the better. But at least there's more on the market for plus size women and even a fashion show dedicated to it. Maybe this reality is slowly turning into the one in the book? I also loved the sense of adventure we was taken along with Sharron! It was really great and gripping to read for the most part.

What I didn't like: how easy it was to predict the events and the ending (kind of)

Overall, Lyndsay does an excellent job of describing everything in this book. Seriously. I hated charters, and that's a big plus for me. Who doesn't like a story that pulls you in with some sort of emotion?!

Cosplay Noob - My *FIRST* wig modification!

Hello my sweet, sweet fellow weeabootrashkin <3

If you have clicked on my many links posted on social media, you are now reading what is my first post in TWO MONTHS. Yeah, sorry about that, really, I should write more but I don't really have much going on in my life. That and I'm also a poor excuse for a blogger.
For any newbies here, HI I'M AMIE, I LIKE ANIME, AND TRYING MY HARDEST TO HAVE SOME SORT OF ONLINE PRESENCE.

ANYWAY, I saw a post, on instagram, from one of my favorite online wig stores, Lush Wigs, and noticed that they are calling on anyone who has modified one of their wigs to post about it/them. And you know whats great? I have such a long story to go with one of my first wig modifications that also happened to be from LW, that I thought "why not join in and not get featured?". So not only will I be writing this long story, I'll be posting some sort of short vague version on my instagram page. Because DAT ONLINE PRESENCE THO.

Just a quick note before I get down to the legendary story.
I would just like to mention that this wig did have another name, this was because Lush Wigs was originally called Geisha Wigs but was closed by the original owner but then re-opened as Lush Wigs by new ownership. I know, its confusing.
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The day my Lucky Dip Lace front wig arrived was an odd one. I had a doctors appointment due to some post-op surgery I had a month earlier, and I had a few minutes before leaving to try the wig on. Initially I had hoped I would get a really bright orange yellow and pink wig that was on the website but I opened the package to be greeted with a bundle of teal and green curlyness. I had a moment with that wig as soon ad i placed it on my head, first was annoyance as there wasn't a parting so it had to be slicked back, then I had to figure out how to make it look nice for a selfie which I failed at. Then once I gave into what it looked like I felt like I was literally mermaid hair goals. It was absolutely GORGEOUS and thick.

Sour Apple AKA Deep Lagoon

Next I had to decide what I was going to do with this mane of gorgeousness. So as a little noob that I am, I took to the *sighs in embarrassment* MCM Expo group on facebook to ask the age old question of "Who should I cosplay".In my defense I didn't have any friends to help me choose. I started with no cosplay friends and now I have enough to trust with cosplay choices. Anyway, I had some suggestions to get the ball rolling. Female Joker, Neil from bleach (IDK man I only watched 70 episodes before giving up)..... Then someone said Sailor Neptune....

OH LORD HOW DID I FORGET MY FIRST ANIME OBSESSION IN THE CHOOSING OF THIS COSPLAY?!?! HOW COULD I FORGET THE ACTUAL MERMAID, THE MAIDEN OF THE SEA NEPTUNE?!?!? Feel free to revoke my Sailor Moon Fan privileges.

Now, some will say that the wig didn't need to be modified which I absolutely agree with... BUT I went into this cosplay hobby thinking to make it as accurate as my skills can. She needed to be shorter and I need to make the fringe. How would I acomplish this? Through sheer determination and lots of cosplay google searches. And maybe cringefully asking for advice in the at times toxic cesspit known as the MCM facebook community.

Since I now had a costly I was going to 100% do, it was time to style DEEP LAGOON. I was both excited and really scared, and at times overly pissed off, but I actually got there in the end. You'll see what I mean later on.

Step 1: Straighten wig prior to cutting.
Luckily my wig is heat syllable so I took my hair straighteners to it with regret. HOW DOES ANYONE COPE WITH SUCH LONG HAIR?! I honestly instantly regretted straightening this wig for a few reasons:
1) HAIR EVERYWHERE
2) Lovely looking straight hair with a few layers that were basically hair goals
3) The shame of having to cut it



This photo makes me cry inside. BUT IT WAS FOR THE SAKE OF COSPLAY OKAY.

This was the finished product after cutting though, which I'm not gonna lie, looked really nice and flattering on myself, if I do say so ^__^

I'm happy to confirm that my eyeliner skills have improved since this photo

Step 2: Curl, curl, curl, curl, curl, curl.
I ended up looking through youtube to find a good video, most called for using boiling hot water, or steam. But I remembered that 4 years ago I came across a youtuber called Angi Viper, whom I later discovered does some pretty awesome cosplays, that did a really helpful video on curling a wig. I was very lucky that my local 99p store actually sells packs of foam rollers too! Initially I bought 20 rollers.

What I will talk about next is how infuriating I found trying to curl this wig. Now, I'm the type of person to forget certain things in instructions and basically try and wing it with what I have. Unfortunately this doesn't work sometimes. And I learned this. Okay so what the video suggests is to section the wig into SMALL sections and to use some hairspray. What I did? I didn't use hair spray and i tried to curl HUGE sections. the outcome? Me bitching and moaning on my pages which then lead to my friends being amused by my snapchats/general progress I was initially making with the wig.

Get off my damn lawn!

20 rollers and big sections didn't work

As you can see by this point I was getting annoyed. And with October MCM 2015 approaching quickly I ended up winging it again and crimping the wig by plaiting sections and applying heat.

Evening before London MCM October 2015

Several months after admitting defeat, I decided to go back and improve this for MCM May 2016, where I was going to actually interact with other moonies xD So I felt like I had to make both wig and costume as correct as possible. I stared by re-watching the video, buying more foam rollers and hairspray and cutting in a long fringe.

I found that you actually have to heat the wig up a lot, I was way too scared the first time round but I trusted what Angi was saying in her video completely. Another thing I really want to make a point of, is that you literally cannot rush styling a wig. As mentioned in the video, you HAVE to let the hair completely cool and that you cannot do sections as it will make the rest of the parts that aren't in rollers loose their curls. Seriously. Just trust the youtuber who has experience.

53 foam rollers in total for the whole wig!

Each section I sprayed hairspray on, I used a natural hold spray, then you blast each curler with heat from a hairdryer for 30 seconds, THEN WAIT FOR IT TO COOL! Then marvel in the most perfect and beautiful little ringlets you have created. I know I did. I was to the point where I couldn't believe my eyes.

I had to stop and put it on instagram, I was that excited and happy

Step 3: Make the poofy bangs
This was the easiest thing. All i had to do was make a center parting with the fringe I cut in  and then back comb each side. You will  need freeze hold hairspray, I like many others use Got2b Freeze hold spray, it comes in a yellow can!

And just like that I was finished with my wig!

My completed Sailor Neptune wig and cosplay

And there you go, my story into my first wig modification using a Lush Wig! Hopefully this wasn't too long of a post, but just in case here is a summary:

TL:DR
- SMALL SECTION HAIR INTO FOAM ROLLERS, SPRAY WITH HAIRSPRAY
- HEAT WITH HAIR DRIER ON EACH CURL FOR 30SECS
- WAIT FOR IT TO COOL OR CRY BECAUSE IMPATIENT
- ONCE COOL REMOVE CURLERS

Read, enjoy, like my pages and shit to keep up with my cosplays and stuff!
xx

Skincare review: Daiso charcoal peel off mask

Price: £2.96 

I've seen countless videos on these black peel off masks, I really love watching them. The peeling off of the masks looks really satisfying (yeah I know. Weird). These videos are what them disgusting pimple/blackhead removal videos are to most people. 

I purchased "Daiso peel off face mask" on eBay for £2.96 with free delivery ALL THE WAY FROM JAPAN. My inner weaboo was jumping for joy at the thought of something coming all the way from Japan, but my normal side was worried. Say if it didn't turn up?

Well it did and I was chuffed! 

The packaging is pretty cute and luckily there are English instructions on the back. You have to cleanse your face and apply a thick even layer. Then wait 5-10 minutes until the mask is dry and then peel off. But from experience I've seen that steaming your face and opening your pores helps a lot too, so out the shower I applied this.

Seeing as I've had experience with other face masks, with peel off versions I find using a flat foundation brush works best and it's a lot less messy. It's even more less hassle as I actually have a bottle of the stuff, you should have seen how awkward it was when I was trying to apply the packet face masks I bought from superdrug.

There isn't much product in the bottle which I'm kinda pissed about. The bottle itself is probably 25% air. Crisps aren't the only item that is mostly air!

The product comes out thick and black, like my soul. I found that patting the product with the foundation brush was effective to cover up thin areas, it looks grey if it's applied too thinly.

After a few minutes I felt the mask tightening as it dried. But don't be fooled! It's a lie to make you think it's completely dry. I happened to get product on my finger by pressing the areas because it felt tight and dry.

10 minutes passed and everything was really super tight. I'm pretty glad I didn't do my whole face.

Peeling this stuff off was SO HARD. I just assumed that the videos I watched, where they mentioned this, was because they didn't apply enough of the product, or because they couldn't get it off due to there being a camera and it being super awkward to film the peeling off process. This shit was stuck to my skin! I got it off though. It's quite painful actually though I think that's more because was frantically pinching parts to get a tab going on. Seriously, a few minutes after peeling it off my face is still stinging.

Anyway you have to peel upwards to get everything out. The parts that hurt the most was my cheek and forehead surprisingly. I thought I would be tearing up just on my nose, but surprisingly not. 

Okay verdict time:

"Meh"

It didn't clean out my pores properly, probably because I didn't steam my face properly. It was also a bitch to get a hold on once dried, which will leave your face is sore though there is a warning saying that you can only use the product twice a week.

The feeling when you don't post as much as you would like

;___;

I'm so sorry I've not been posting! But I've been kinda(?) busy updating my Sailor Neptune cosplay, sorting out other cosplays for May MCM at the end of the month and adulting.

No really. 

Everything cosplay wise is taking its sweet damn time coming together but I'm making progress!

So, Amie, what have you done?

WELL. I made my own gloves!

And I painted my shoes!

I also bought a long line underbust corset just in case I don't manage to get round to completing the bodice too!

I'm also making a new batch of bows and collars, making the leg straps and making my choker.

Also I HAVE to style my wig. And by that I mean actually attempt to style it.

ALSO I'm thinking of making my tiara out of craft foam as the one I bought second hand from someone bent in the post and it doesn't look like it will bend back. So eh. I could just stick the gem to my forehead 😝

ALL THIS NEEDS TO BE DONE BY THE END OF THE MONTH. Wish me luck?! 😅

Character Obsession: Satomi from + Tic Nee-San and a little rant

So, you know I'm always on Facebook and pretty much any social networking site because of my lack of being a suitable candiate for employment? And you know when you see a gif and you're like "WHERE IS THIS FROM?!"? That is what I am like 99% of the time. ESPECIALLY when it comes to my Anime.

There's this one gif floating about of a girl slamming her friends head into a classroom/corridor wall which gave me the "oh my gods" as soon as my mind could interpret what was going on. I found out in the comments it was from an Anime called "Plastic Nee-San" (later I found out it is actually called "+ Tic Elder Sister").

Anyway so I'm watching the 27 minute long video of THE WHOLE ANIME, getting on great with it as its funny, violent and random. But then comes episode 3 called "Beauty-Tic" and my eyes are graced with this absolute babe of a character. 

Blonde haired, chubby and obsessed with beauty, is "Beautiful Person" (her anime name apparently). It's a shame in the Anime she only makes two appearances, because you only see this random chubby girl pop up. She absolutely becomes fabulous in the manga. You also find out her name and see that she has a younger sister.

However throughout the two episodes she is featured, the main characters laugh at her when she talks about being beautiful, she just shrugs off WHICH JUST SHOWS HOW FABULOUS SHE IS. Sorry, I just love her character. Anyway It's even worse in the manga.

There are LOADS of instances where she's made fun of:

Okay so above there's a few. They are all about her not being beautiful and this one character (the little shitbag) laughing at her. Even laughing at her real name because she shares the same name as a Japanese actress, Satomi Ishihara. But this isn't the first time I've seen this.

I've watched plenty of anime that shames a bigger character, they aren't even a main character and are mostly ugly looking and put down. It's honestly a shame lots of anime/manga portray larger characters like this, and it's honestly a shame Japan are slightly behind with body positivity.

The only time I've seen an main character that is larger than most is an anime (one of my favourites because of its cuteness) was Ore Monogatari! (My Love Story!) where you see the main character, high school student Takeo fall in love with a normal girl called Yamado. I don't personally think he's fat, just HENCH (Muscles) and HENCH (tall) but others in the anime find his physical appearance beastly and "too ugly to be in a relationship" with Yamado. It doesn't take long for other characters to like Takeo though, he has such a nice personality (just gonna wait here for the next season to come out, if any).

Another instance: Food Wars. There's a secondary character, Isami. He's a large character and no one really takes notice, that is until he looses weight because it's the end of the summer. What a surprise.

There's also been another manga that has a large character, again a male character, that is ridiculed so much and it's sad to read apparently, I've not watched it.

But you can kinda see where I'm coming from. All the fat characters are really negatively seen in Japanese culture. I would like to see this change but it will take years! I know recently there's been a few plus size idol group and even a few plus size brands pop up, but Japan has a long way to go.

But for now I will have to wait and choose my cosplays accordingly. 

BONUS: do you wanna se my favourite manga cap of Satomi?

SATOMI WILL PUNCH A BITCH

Makeup Review: Jeffree Star Cosmetics Liquid Velour Lipstick

I have become a HUGE fan of liquid to matte lipsticks! I've been following lots of different brands, mostly ones from America, that seem to have a lot to choose from (and that I feel like I need in my collection). Recently I was lucky enough to get my hands on one of the limited edition shades from Jeffree Star Cosmetics liquid velour lipstic range. For anyone asking, I managed to get hold of Doll Parts!

I was so excited to get the product and to try this gorgeous baby rose pink colour. The swatch on the website made it look like a very close high end dupe for nyx liquid matte cream in Istanbul, my top favourite colour. But I was mistaken. Apparently the people at Jeffree Star Cosmetics like to overly edit the stock photos, bad move that looks similar to something Lime Crime would do (tut tut).

Upon application it is considerably more liquid than any of my other brands of liquid matte lippies, this makes it very hard to control when guiding it onto your lips, well for me anyway. The lipstick dries quickly which is pretty good and surprising for the consitency of the product. Impressive. 

On the box it says to exfoliate your lips before use, to not eat oily food and to remove with Shea butter (oh and no making out- smudge warning maybe?). I'm guessing this is some instructions on how to get the best results from the product, however I've not had a very good experience.

This lipstick, while being very pretty and have great colour play off, likes to smudge. And if it smudges so easily, it looks like your mouth is stained, with me it looked like that and I didn't even realise it happened until I noticed a woman looking at me weirdly. Also with other, what I would like to point out a lot cheaper, brands I've used it only removes itself from your lips if you eat or drink like you would normally. I used a straw with this product. It still transferred.

Overall I don't feel like this product is worth the money and I feel quite dissapointed. Only upside of this is that it doesn't make your lips feel dry and I love the colour of it.